This is a subject that I have strong feelings about. I really dislike it when people sit next to me at an uncrowded bar and/or restaurant. Like some people I enjoy sitting at the bar, or doing the "lean" as taught to me by Leigh Hawkins. When an establishment is crowded, it's every person for themselves in terms of getting a spot and that's understandable. Even if the bar isn't that crowded but there's enough people spread out that if someone wants a seat at the bar they're going to have to sit next to someone, I've been in that situation but when the establishment isn't crowded, that's a different story.
Take this evening for example. So I'm staying in Winston-Salem and I'm sitting at the sushi bar of an Asian Bistro. As I walk in, around 7:15ish, there's maybe 10 people in the place and NO ONE at the sushi bar. At this particular sushi bar there are 8 seats, or so, at the bar and I take the 3rd seat from the right, maybe the 4th but it was close to the middle but not the middle of the sushi bar. I'm enjoying my sashimi/sushi dinner combo when 2 gentlemen come in and plop right down next to me, mind you I was the only one sitting at the sushi bar. In fact one of the guys made the other sit next me as he changed seats at the last minute (I did shower about 45 minutes to my arrival but it was raining when I walked over so maybe I smelled a bit musty.) Now there were at least 2-3 seats to the left of the dude who was originally going to sit next to me but made his friend do it instead.
My 1st thought was, "just gonna sit down right next to me with no one else at the bar? Really?" Now, I didn't let this spoil my dinner and Sapporos. But it got me thinking about some of the other times that this sort of thing happened. Here are the 2 most popular incidents in my life:
* July/August 2007: I was working the Eerie County Fair in Hamburg, NY. We were there for 10 days I think, it might be less but it seemed like forever, and I had actually befriended a a temporary staffer, I rarely have talked to temp staff over the last 7 years much less befriend any of them. So on the last night after we tear down, the staffer and I decide to have a drink at a bar close the the fairgrounds. We're at this small establishment and there are 5 people in the bar; the bartender, another couple, my friend & myself. The other couple seemed to know the bartender and they appeared to have been there awhile. I don't remember the guy's name, he kept to himself, but the woman's name was Patty. Patty was from Canada and had probably been drinking for quite some time. IN addition to engaging us in conversation, Patty felt the need to give us her opinions and regale us with stories. To be honest, I wasn't putting out my normal "please leave me alone & don't talk to me" vibe as I was with someone and wanted to be friendly, as well as to show my new friend that I wasn't a total jerk (which I pretty much am so yeah I was lying to the kid.) But Patty went above and beyond the normal level for polite conversation. She even got in our faces about her marriage or something like that. As I recall the guy she was with may have even apologized for her (as did Patty, several times.) All I was looking for was an enjoyable evening, instead I had to deal with drunk Patty from Canada (I don't hold Canada responsible for Patty's actions. It's one of those things.)
* I cant' remember when this took place exactly but I'm pretty sure it was summertime somewhere between 2004-2006 and the location was the Little Sisters Truck Wash in Bakersfield, CA, my CDL brethren know the spot well. I was getting my truck & trailer washed and decided to wait it out on a bench. Eventually I'm joined by 2 other drivers waiting for their trucks. Then without warning one of the drivers starts talking about his life. He just jumps right in with no small talk leading up to it or nothing, BAM! He just proceeds to tell his life story. After hearing about the death of this guy's relatives, the other driver (leaving me with the talker) gets up and leaves. Without missing a beat, this guy focuses on me and continues (to this day I don't remember if the driver who left even got his truck. I think he just left the truck wash. It was like Airplane when everyone who sat next to Robert Hays committed suicide after hearing his story.) This guy talked about how his family had died off and how he's inherited a lot of land because of it. He even mentioned that he got a settlement from a farming accident that left him near dead and that his wife had left him for whatever reason. I was all alone with this guy. The guys at the truck wash couldn't finish fast enough. I may have made the mistake of encouraging the guy as I nodded and grunted as if I was really interested. It seemed like 6 weeks but I managed to make my escape when the truck was finished.
Suffice to say I believe that the truck stop incident made me more introverted. I told the story to a friend of mine and he said that the poor guy was probably "lonely." I spend a lot of time alone but I pray to the gods on Olympus that I never tell my life story to a total stranger who just happen to sit next to me.
Is it worse to have someone sit next to you, in an uncrowded establishment, and start talking to you or to have people involve you in their lives because they're talking loudly or they're on the phone (the on the phone while at dinner with people is a subject for another time...excuse yourself from the table please!). Tough call. There's always a possibility that the stranger next to you may be interesting or even find you interesting but that's rare. That has happened to me before but it was at a crowded bar so it doesn't really apply (I think we found each other reasonably interesting...maybe).
Maybe it's because I am an introverted jerk that this kind of thing bothers me. After all these guys didn't include me in their conversation, thankfully because they seemed real boring (that's saying something because I'm a card carrying dullard). I think only one of them had anything to eat, he got a few sushi rolls and a Diet Coke while his pal had a few beers.
Anyway, I'm sure a lot of people out there have had a similar memory about something along these lines as it's not uncommon. That's how it is I guess, I mean how much fun would it be if we got everything we wanted?
Thanks for your time.
Take this evening for example. So I'm staying in Winston-Salem and I'm sitting at the sushi bar of an Asian Bistro. As I walk in, around 7:15ish, there's maybe 10 people in the place and NO ONE at the sushi bar. At this particular sushi bar there are 8 seats, or so, at the bar and I take the 3rd seat from the right, maybe the 4th but it was close to the middle but not the middle of the sushi bar. I'm enjoying my sashimi/sushi dinner combo when 2 gentlemen come in and plop right down next to me, mind you I was the only one sitting at the sushi bar. In fact one of the guys made the other sit next me as he changed seats at the last minute (I did shower about 45 minutes to my arrival but it was raining when I walked over so maybe I smelled a bit musty.) Now there were at least 2-3 seats to the left of the dude who was originally going to sit next to me but made his friend do it instead.
My 1st thought was, "just gonna sit down right next to me with no one else at the bar? Really?" Now, I didn't let this spoil my dinner and Sapporos. But it got me thinking about some of the other times that this sort of thing happened. Here are the 2 most popular incidents in my life:
* July/August 2007: I was working the Eerie County Fair in Hamburg, NY. We were there for 10 days I think, it might be less but it seemed like forever, and I had actually befriended a a temporary staffer, I rarely have talked to temp staff over the last 7 years much less befriend any of them. So on the last night after we tear down, the staffer and I decide to have a drink at a bar close the the fairgrounds. We're at this small establishment and there are 5 people in the bar; the bartender, another couple, my friend & myself. The other couple seemed to know the bartender and they appeared to have been there awhile. I don't remember the guy's name, he kept to himself, but the woman's name was Patty. Patty was from Canada and had probably been drinking for quite some time. IN addition to engaging us in conversation, Patty felt the need to give us her opinions and regale us with stories. To be honest, I wasn't putting out my normal "please leave me alone & don't talk to me" vibe as I was with someone and wanted to be friendly, as well as to show my new friend that I wasn't a total jerk (which I pretty much am so yeah I was lying to the kid.) But Patty went above and beyond the normal level for polite conversation. She even got in our faces about her marriage or something like that. As I recall the guy she was with may have even apologized for her (as did Patty, several times.) All I was looking for was an enjoyable evening, instead I had to deal with drunk Patty from Canada (I don't hold Canada responsible for Patty's actions. It's one of those things.)
* I cant' remember when this took place exactly but I'm pretty sure it was summertime somewhere between 2004-2006 and the location was the Little Sisters Truck Wash in Bakersfield, CA, my CDL brethren know the spot well. I was getting my truck & trailer washed and decided to wait it out on a bench. Eventually I'm joined by 2 other drivers waiting for their trucks. Then without warning one of the drivers starts talking about his life. He just jumps right in with no small talk leading up to it or nothing, BAM! He just proceeds to tell his life story. After hearing about the death of this guy's relatives, the other driver (leaving me with the talker) gets up and leaves. Without missing a beat, this guy focuses on me and continues (to this day I don't remember if the driver who left even got his truck. I think he just left the truck wash. It was like Airplane when everyone who sat next to Robert Hays committed suicide after hearing his story.) This guy talked about how his family had died off and how he's inherited a lot of land because of it. He even mentioned that he got a settlement from a farming accident that left him near dead and that his wife had left him for whatever reason. I was all alone with this guy. The guys at the truck wash couldn't finish fast enough. I may have made the mistake of encouraging the guy as I nodded and grunted as if I was really interested. It seemed like 6 weeks but I managed to make my escape when the truck was finished.
Suffice to say I believe that the truck stop incident made me more introverted. I told the story to a friend of mine and he said that the poor guy was probably "lonely." I spend a lot of time alone but I pray to the gods on Olympus that I never tell my life story to a total stranger who just happen to sit next to me.
Is it worse to have someone sit next to you, in an uncrowded establishment, and start talking to you or to have people involve you in their lives because they're talking loudly or they're on the phone (the on the phone while at dinner with people is a subject for another time...excuse yourself from the table please!). Tough call. There's always a possibility that the stranger next to you may be interesting or even find you interesting but that's rare. That has happened to me before but it was at a crowded bar so it doesn't really apply (I think we found each other reasonably interesting...maybe).
Maybe it's because I am an introverted jerk that this kind of thing bothers me. After all these guys didn't include me in their conversation, thankfully because they seemed real boring (that's saying something because I'm a card carrying dullard). I think only one of them had anything to eat, he got a few sushi rolls and a Diet Coke while his pal had a few beers.
Anyway, I'm sure a lot of people out there have had a similar memory about something along these lines as it's not uncommon. That's how it is I guess, I mean how much fun would it be if we got everything we wanted?
Thanks for your time.
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