4. Under the Skin

April 29th in Birmingham, AL: When I saw The Grand Budapest Hotel, the trailer for this film was attached and it piqued my interest because it was dark and I couldn't tell what the hell was going on. When I wrote the April Film Preview, I mentioned that the trailer gives nothing away and that according to the film's summary it was about "an alien in human form is on a journey through Scotland." Based on the ambiguous trailer I was hoping it wasn't a stupid comedy like Paul but I took a chance anyway. I liked director Jonathan Glazer's other feature, Sexy Beast, a lot so there was that as well.

I am not very technical when it comes to film. Granted, I can usually tell between a location shoot and a sound stage and I can recognize a steady cam shot but this film had a look that it's exterior shots were all done outdoors and without public knowledge. There's also very little dialogue. It's very difficult to tell what is going on. Anyway, the opening scene sees a dude dressed in motorcycle leathers retrieve a female body from a ditch by a highway and throw it in the back of a van. Inside the van it is stark white and a naked woman strips the clothing off the girl who was thrown into the van, both of whom appear to be Scarlett Johansson.

Definitely not the interior of a cargo van.

The motorcycle dude leaves and ScarJo drives the van into town in search of 18-25 year old men. ScarJo then attempts to pick up dudes under the pretense of "being lost" or needing "directions." Apparently 18-25 year old males aren't to cautious when being approached in a van being driven by Scarlett Johansson as she has no trouble finding willing participants (funny how aliens figured out that males will follow a pretty girl anywhere without question). She brings her victims to a house with a creepy all black interior, she walks along taking off her clothes and the dude follows doing the same (there's several full male frontal shots so be warned if that skeeves you out) until the dude starts to sink into some black fluid.

Still hoping for sex with ScarJo until fully submerged that is. Then that's all she wrote.

While in the black fluid, which isn't really fluid because the victim still breathes apparently. Until this happens...

Yeah, that's an "Edgar suit." - MiB reference btw (aliens).

It's not a grizzly death but it doesn't seem all that fantastic of a way to go, especially when you remove the part about sex with ScarJo. She's looking for single males who are just out by themselves and who live alone (no muss no fuss I guess). She runs into a dude at the beach who's by himself and living in a tent. ScarJo starts working him when the dude runs off to try to help a family,the wife went in to try to save the dog then the dad leaves the kid to try and get the mom. Doesn't end well. The swimmer (who's a Czech on vacation) is knocked unconscious and taken back to ScarJo's lair. The motorcycle dude returns to the beach to remove any traces of the swimmer, leaving the crying kid on the beach.

Things are now full throttle strange. ScarJo then goes after a dude with facial Neurofibromatosis. She feels pity for the poor guy and she allows him to live (for awhile at least, the motorcycle dude is very thorough). ScarJo gets in the van and drive until it runs out of gas. She finds herself in a small town where she is helped by a man who takes her his home. He feeds her, gives her a room for herself and generally shows her some kindness. Meanwhile, there's actually four motorcycle dudes and they go out to search for ScarJo because they need more victims I guess.

ScarJo leaves after a botched sexual encounter with the kind man and runs into the woods (again, nothing good ever, ever happens in the woods). As she's strolling aimlessly through the forest she runs into a fellow who seems to think sexual assault might be a good way to go, so let's call this dude Rapey McRaperson. McRaperson attacks ScarJo but stops as her skins starts to peel after he rips her clothes. ScarJo then reveals her true self but it's all short lived as Rapey douses here with gas and lights her on fire. The End.

This is not a bad film per se but I wouldn't begrudge someone who doesn't like it as I myself sat dumbfounded for stretches of time. The dialogue is almost nonexistent and there's no music to give away the plot. Which is ok, the film takes you on a trip and it doesn't tell you where you're going. So it's not very predictable. As for the acting, it's not Shakespearean by any standards because there seems to very little of it because of the lack of dialogue, keep in mind ScarJo's victims are Scottish men so some of them need subtitles. When ScarJo isn't trying to score victims she doesn't talk, she just has s glazed look on her face, like an alien would have if they were in a body out together like ScarJo. Right? Anyway, I'm on the fence with this, it's not a bad film but I would only recommend it to certain people but make no mistake, Glazer  made a decent, indie, low budget sci-fi film that has merits. It was "experimental" if you will.

Thank you for your time.

May 2014 Film Preview

May 2nd

• The Amazing Spider Man 2: There's three villains (Electro, Green Goblins and Rhino), a conspiracy in regards to Peter's dad, and a look into Sinister Six. It is with a high level of certainty that I will see this film. 
• Walk of Shame: Elizabeth Banks, is an local LA news anchor who goes out for a night of drunken revelry with her pals. Since the title is a small hint, Banks finds herself in a bad part of town, in a revealing outfit with out her car or any ID. Oh and she's going to be looked at for a network gig so she has to get to the studio for her big break. This is pretty predictable and is littered with cliches. Banks is talented and funny but I don't know that she can carry a film.
• Belle: Gugu Mabatha-Raw plays the lead character, a woman of mixed race who is raised by her British Naval officer father's aristocratic family. Belle is raised as kind of an equal, by that I mean she's not treated as a slave, just as the help (so much better). Belle struggles to gain acceptance within her family and the upper society she's been brought up in. She also falls in love with a young aristocrat and surprise! That causes a problem with his family. Belle has an all-star cast and looks to be a solid period piece. If period pieces are your thing, then this could be a film for you.
• Mr. Jones: After watching the trailer, this appears to be a "found footage" film that has all the makings of The Blair Witch Project. A cutesy couple drive into a remote section of the woods (a swell idea) to look for a recluse named, Mr. Jones apparently. The first sign they should've turned around and left would be the creepy stick-like creations depicting crucifixion and other fun things. As with all scary films, make sure you do your research as most of them seem to suck.

May 9th

• Neighbors: Ugh! Where to begin? Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne are your typical white breed couple with a newborn living in a nice suburban neighborhood. Their domestic tranquility is interrupted when Zac Efron and his fraternity, Phi Crotcha Stud, move in next door and act like stereotypical fraternity douches. The very thought of this hideous Old School wannabe hurts my brain. Every scene from the trailer is a brutal cliche. Admittedly, the scenes where Rogen falls into multiple booby traps involving an airbag bring a smile to my face. Otherwise this looks beyond stupid.
• Chef: Jon Favreau writes, stars and directs an all-star cast about a chef who tries to find himself by cooking food he believes in. That leads him to making Cuban Sandwiches out of a truck (just like Jason Segel in The Five Year Engagement) and good times ensue. Normally I'd avoid a film like this but Favreau is a good writer/director and it's got a great cast so it could be worth a look.
• The Double: Jesse Eisenberg plays nerdy nobody Simon, the kind of guy no one notices (like most of the characters Eisenberg plays). Then one day the new guy at work James, turns Simon's world upside down. James is the exact double as Simon except that he's a bit more assertive. James slowly starts to take over Simon's life but no one around seems to notice. This looks like it could be an interesting dark comedy art house film. 
• Devil's Knot: Director Atom Egoyan's latest film brings us a dramatic story of the West Memphis Three. Reese Witherspoon puts on a few pounds (in an obvious attempt at Oscar recognition) as she plays one of the mothers of the victims. The film focuses on how the murder, arrest and trial affects her and her family. Egoyan has made some really good films (check out The Sweet Hereafter) but I don't know where I stand on this. Colin Firth stars as one of the lawyers but I think that you would get more out of watching one of the three documentaries about the subject.
• God's Pocket: In what looks to be Philip Seymour Hoffman's last film, he plays a small time hood who investigates the death of his stepson (who no one in the town really cares about except his mom played by Christina Hendricks). Th trailer shows PSH getting into all sorts of hijinx snooping around the construction site where the boy died and with the body itself. I guess it's a black comedy or something but it doesn't look all that great (guess that's why it only got a 14% at Rotten Tomatoes). This looks like it's a small independent film so it may not get a wide relsease but it has a solid cast with Richard Jenkins and John Turturro along with Hendricks and PSH.

There are a bunch of other titles that open this weekend but after reading the summary about them, they don't seem worth mentioning. 

May 16th

• Godzilla: Once again there is a high probability that I will be seeing this film on or about opening day. The trailer looks cool as balls and should erase the memory of the 1997 version where Matthew Broderick (?) was the hero.
• Million Dollar Arm: Don Draper plays a baseball scout who thinks outside the box and defines conventional wisdom by going to India in search of pitching prospects. This film is from Disney so it'll most likely have a happy ending, they'll be some fish out of water jokes and I wouldn't be surprised if Draper has some sort of epiphany towards the end of the film. It's allegedly based on a true story. I seem to recall Kevin Bacon doing the same thing in The Air Up There when he went to Africa to find basketball players.
• The Immigrant: Marion Cotillard is an immigrant separated from her sister at Ellis Island. She's forced to fend for herself. Things go from bad to worse when she runs into Joaquin Phoenix who forces her into prostitution. Eventually she runs into stage magician Jeremy Renner and things start to look up. Talented cast, could be worth seeing.
• Wolf Creek 2: The evil Crocodile Dundee is back for another go around as he menaces twenty-somethings in the Outback. The Outback is such a HUUUGE area it seems unlikely that campers would stumble upon this guy's hunting ground but it happened again.
• A Night in Old Mexico: Robert Duvall plays a Texan who loses his ranch and is forced to relocate to a trailer park. Being an old codger, Duvall is having none of it, so he and his grandson make for Mexico and along the way they encounter some seedy hitchhikers. After ditching to hitchers they get to Mexico for one last hurrah. The problem is that the hitchers left a bag of money in the car and things get a little No Country for Old Men.

May 23rd

• X-Men: Days of Future Past: The newest installment of the X-Men franchise has Wolverine going back in time to warn Professor X and the X-Men: First Class gang that the future is really bleak. This film is based a two issue story arc that took place after the Dark Phoenix saga. Make no mistake, I will be seeing this film and perhaps even more than once. The trailer raises some interesting questions, like how did Professor X get unparalyzed? But instead of trying to answer these questions, I will allow the film to take a swing at it.
• Blended: Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore team up again as single parents who have a bad date but manage to run into each other, with kids in tow, on vacation. I will lay dollars to donuts that there is absolutely nothing original here. Both Sandler and Barrymore have bled the romcom dry. Do something else already.
• Palo Alto: A group of high school kids are disenchanted with life in a well to do suburb and go looking for trouble. Also, James Franco gets a little inappropriate with one of his students, Emma Roberts. It looks gritty but I have a hard time empathizing with teens who aren't satisfied with their upper middle class lives and need an adrenaline fix. 
• Tracks: Mia Wasikowska plays Robyn Davidson, who decided to trek across 2,000 miles of Australian desert with her dog and 4 camels in 1977. Why did she do this? Why the heck not apparently! Lots of great cinematography and of course the conquering spirit of the heroine. Adam Driver plays the National Geographic photographer sent to document her trip. 
• The Angriest Man in Brooklyn: Robin Williams is a bitter New York jerk who is diagnosed with a deadly brain aneurism by Mila Kunis and is given 90 minutes to live. So naturally he wants to reconcile his life and it being Robin Williams, hilarity ensues. Being a jerk, Williams has his work cut out for him. This film has a solid cast but the jokes from the trailer fell flat.
• The Hornets Nest: Documentary about U.S. troops (it appears to be the 101st Airborne by the looks of it) fighting the War in Afghanistan. Lots of up close footage of troops in close quarter fire fights. This is a film that most Americans should see.
• Words and Pictures: Clive Owen is an English teacher at an upscale prep-school with writer's block (words). Juliette Binoche is the new art teacher who paints (pictures). Both have some baggage and manage to overcome and fall in love. I managed to put that all together by only watching half the trailer. Ugh!

May 30th

• Maleficent: Angelina Jolie is the evil witch from Sleeping Beauty as we get to learn her origin! Jolie looks awesome and the film looks very interesting. It may not be as dark as some would like it because it's a Disney film but it could be worth it as there's a lot early buzz around the film.
• A Million Ways to Die in the West: Seth MacFarlane's 2nd directorial feature has him in Arizona in 1882 where the odds of a long life are stacked against you. Part of the film spends time on the different ways the town folk "buy the farm," from getting crushed by a giant block of ice to burning to death from taking a photo at the town fair. Then along comes Liam Neeson, the local bad ass who starts shooting up the town and MacFarlane has to stand up to him (this part seems to play out in a similar manner to Marty and "Mad Dog" Tannen from Back to the Future 3). Charlize Theron has to train MacFarlane in the finer points of marksmanship in increase his odds of survival (this led to the one laugh out loud scene from the trailer). I saw Ted, and I will probably see this but I suspect there will be plenty of recycled Family Guy jokes littered throughout the film. 
• Filth: James McAvoy is a dirty cop along the lines of Harvey Keitel in Bad Lieutenant. This is a gritty cop drama from the creators of Trainspotting but it is not directed by Danny Boyle. 
• Night Moves: Jesse Eisenberg, Dakota Fanning and Peter Sarsgaard team up to conspire to do something to a dam. The trailer doesn't give you much other than they do a lot of stuff at dusk and they always seem to have a sullen look on their respective faces. Indie film that may not get a wide release so you may have to look for it.
• Kornegal: Sebastian Junger's follow-up to Restrepo with the same troops in the same valley. A must see!
• Delivery: The Beast Within: A low budget, indie found footage film that mixes Rosemary's Baby with Paranormal Activity (it actually says that in one of the review blurbs). Pregnant heroine does weird stuff as she gets closer to her delivery date. Ugh.

3. Captain America: The Winter Soldier

April 17th in Birmingham, AL: I had been looking forward to this and the timing worked out well during a business trip to "the Ham." Let me start off by saying that you have to suspend reality when watching this film. Not just the super hero or "science" aspect, it's the political aspect. There is no way the United States government could fund all the cool shit that SHIELD has. The income tax rate would be at 75% and all the wealthy alleged "job creators" would feel the squeeze as well. After being frozen for over 50 years and joining the Avengers, Cap is working for SHIELD doing covert ops with Black Widow as a member of the team.

As time goes by Cap seems to think that working for SHIELD isn't what it's cracked up to be and maybe director Fury is not telling him the whole story. Well it turns out Cap's instincts were right, but it's worse than he realizes. Fury narrowly escapes an assassination attempt and tries to enlists Cap's help. Fury is then "liquidated" and while pursuing the assassin, Cap comes face to face with...the mysterious Winter Soldier. Cap goes to meet with Alexander Pierce, Fury's boss, and after the meeting Pierce's goons try to take Cap into custody in an elevator. Despite a 12-1 man advantage, Cap beats everyone up and is now on the run. An outlaw. He links up with Black Widow and the pair dodge SHIELD agents inn DC and make their way to an old Army base in New Jersey.

At the base Cap and Widow find a secret bunker with outdated 70's computer technology and Cap comes face to computerized face/voice with Arnim Zola (Red Skull's weapons designer). Turns out that Pierce had recruited Zola and has been secretly infiltrating SHIELD for decades with HYDRA agents! After barley escaping a drone strike, Cap and Widow make their way back to DC. In DC they go to hide out with Sam Wilson, a guy Cap befriended while jogging. SamWilson, being a veteran and a stand-up guy, isn't about to let Cap and Widow attack SHIELD without his help. Luckily he happens to be an expert at a certain piece of military technology that will no doubt be very helpful in their castle onslaught (funny how that always works out that way for the good guys).

Fast forward a bit and Cap reveals that Pierce is a HYDRA agent and that SHIELD has been compromised (be advised...Fury was only mostly dead which is actually slightly alive). So Cap, Sam, Widow and Fury manage to foil HYDRA's plan by destroying hundreds of billions of dollars worth of tax payer funded machinery over Washington DC (somehow with no collateral damage I'm sure). While this is going down Cap and the Winter Soldier have their final showdown. Cap has a slight advantage in knowing the Winter Soldier's true identity...his old pal "Bucky" Barnes! It turns out that Bucky survived the fall from the train in the first film (remember when Cap rescued him he had been "experimented" on by Zola). Russian troops found him and Zola did some more work on him, he was placed in suspended animation and thawed out as a communist assassin.

There was a lot of things I liked about this film, the HYDRA (although they come off a bit like the League of Shadows) aspect was well done and Redford was a solid villain for starters. Inside this superhero film was a nice little spy thriller. I like they way they worked Agent 13 into the story line. For those who don't know, Agent 13 is Sharon Carter. Agent 13 and Cap were an item back in the day and I seem to remember getting killed in a fight with HYDRA but whatever. There was also the standard easter egg where a secret HYDRA facility has been "experimenting" on Quicksilver and Scarlett Witch. Given, they don't mention them by name but it's been no secret that they were going to make an appearance in this film so they can be tied to the next Avengers installment due out next Summer. They also worked some other names into the film since part of HYDRA's plan with the three heli-carriers were to eliminate potential threats, Bruce Banner and Stephen Strange are mentioned. To say the least Marvel has got their shit together in regards to their characters despite the fact that the properties are spread out over different studios. They seem to have a solid long term plan, unlike DC. If you're into comic book films like I am, this is worth seeing.

April 2014 Film Preview

April 4th

• Captain America: The Winter Soldier: This is Marvel Studios first release of what looks to be a big year for them. If you don't know what the plot is to this film then you've been living under a rock. As a follower of Captain America comics in the 80's, I will be seeing this film. 
• Frankie and Alice: Halle Berry plays a go-go dancer with multiple personalities. Realities of her personalities merge together into Frankie and Alice (hence the film's title). Stellan Skarsgard is the shrink who tries to help her. The trailer is a blend of images of her "regular" persona and her "not so good" persona. Throw in some mental hospital shenanigans to reinforce the fact that she's got mental issues. This does not look all that original.
• Under the Skin: I saw this trailer in the theater a few weeks ago and to be honest, I had no idea what the heck was going on. The tagline to the film starring Scarlett Johansson and directed by Jonathan Glazer says, "an alien seductress preys upon hitchhikers in Scotland." However, the imagery from the trailer isn't close to that description. The film does look very dark and might be worth a look but it doesn't appear that it will see a large release. Who knows, I'm a bit intrigued based on some of Glazer's past work.
• Alan Partridge: Steve Coogan plays the title character, a radio morning man of a small radio station in a London suburb. The station gets bought out and Colm Meaney's character takes hostages after he's been downsized. Alan to the rescue. Hijinx ensue when Meaney has Coogan help him with the police negotiations. The trailer has a few laughs in there and you'll get the British humor side of police standoffs. I like Coogan's work (mainly with Michael Winterbottom), so this might be worth a look.
• Dom Hemingway: Jude Law plays recently paroled convict named (wait for it!)...Dom Hemingway. Dom is a safecracker with limited social skills (get drunk, punch first and ask questions later) who tries to get back together with his now adult daughter. Law looks interesting as it's a bit of a departure for him. I saw this trailer at an art house cineplex in Chicago so I don't think this will get a lot of screen exposure. 

Other films being released on this date include; Jinn, a supernatural thriller that requires Darth Maul to use use vast martial arts skills to defeat the evil. In Goodbye World, a cyberattack shuts off America's electricity, cable, internet and cell phone usage. A group of forward thinking hipsters are prepared to ride it out but things don't go so smoothly in their Big Chill-esque seclusion when other folks find out that they've got stuff that works. This is what happens to society when you take away that stuff. Mob mentality and everyone for themselves. Had these hipster had prepared for the apocalypse like rednecks (guns instead of solar panels) they'd be in a better spot. Documentary filmmaker Errol Morris, sits down with former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld in The Unknown Known. In the Blood stars Gina Carano who's husband disappears on their Caribbean honeymoon and she's got to kick some ass to find out what the deal is. This may not be as good as Haywire but since that was a pretty good film, this one could be worth checking out. 

April 11th

• Oculus: Supernatural scary movie alert. A mirror that houses demons allegedly forces a man to kill his wife in front of the kids. While the brother is in a mental institution, the sister finds the mirror and she sets forth to prove that the mirror did it and has killed before. Then somehow the mirror ends up in a family's home and weird sh*t starts to happen. The name of the film sounds cool but as it goes with this genre, buyer beware.
• Draft Day: Kevin Costner is hired as the General Manager of the woeful Cleveland Browns. The Browns have the 1pick in the NFL Draft and the film traces the happenings up to draft day (hence the not so subtle title). Jennifer Garner appears to be Costner's love interest, Frank Langella plays the owner and Dennis Leary is the head coach. This IS NOT Moneyball for the NFL. It's more like a 90 minute commercial for ESPN's draft coverage.
• The Railway Man : Colin Firth stars as a former British soldier who was a POW in the Pacific Theatre. While in Japanese custody he and his other comrades were tortured and forced to work the Thai-Burma Railway. Firth finds out that the Japanese officer who tormented him is still alive and goes to confront him, possibly in a revenge manner and not in a "hey how ya been the last twenty years?" kind of way. Nicole Kidman stars as Firth's wife. Firth has been in need of a solid follow-up to The King's Speech and this could be it.
• Only Lovers Let Alive : Indie director Jim Jarmusch, gets into the vampire foray with this film that stars Tilda Swinton (Eve) and Tom Hiddleston (Adam) as vampire lovers who reunite for a long overdue fling (Adam & Eve, there's a plot device here). The film looks very dark and gritty. After watching the trailer I came away with, "why hasn't Tilda Swinton ever been cast as a vampire before?" She looks pretty creepy and fits the part almost naturally. 
• Joe: Remember back in the 90's when Nic Cage would make a schlocky popcorn film or two (Face/Off, The Rock) then make an art house film (Leaving Las Vegas)? Yeah neither do I. But in this film Cage seems to be taking a page out of McConaughey's recent playbook and going for more serious stuff. Cage plays Joe, an ex-con with a past and a drinking problem. He befriends a kid with an abusive father (also a drunk but a bad drunk not like Cage's good drunk, apparently there's a difference) who's trying to take care of his mom & sister. Things come to a boil and Cage may deal with the kid's drunken father which may put him back in prison. Heavy drama here for sure but I will most likely pass on this unless the buzz is too much to resist.

April 16th

• Heaven is for Real: Based on the best selling book about a kid with a near death experience who gets a tour of Heaven. From what I understand this kid's experience has the creationism crowd clamoring that this is proof that God is real and that science is a jerk. 

April 18th

• Transcendence: Johnny Depp heads an all-star cast in this trippy sci-fi film about a software designer (Depp) who invents a revolutionary computer thingy and is assassinated. While in a coma, his conscience is uploaded or downloaded into a computer. From there he gets all knowing "Skynet" type knowledge and bad things start to happen. This film looks pretty cool and I will most likely see it. 
• A Haunted House 2: Yet another spoof about scary movies. The trailer looks stupid and has several C-list stars. I feel as if the Wayans Brothers can do better.
• Fading Gigolo: John Turturo directs and stars in this dramedy about a lonely dude who finds his calling as a gigolo in a New York City neighborhood. Woody Allen is his pimp I guess who arranges encounters with the like so Sharon Stone and Sophia Vergara. Of course there's a sad widow (just a theory) who is alone and Turturo is recruited to make her feel alive again. It's possible that they fall in love. The trailer looks touching and funny but I don't think that this film is aimed at me. 
• Authors Anonymous: Oz from American Pie and the not so bright chick from The Big Bang Theory are struggling small town wannabe writers who meet with other struggling small town wannabe writers on a weekly basis at a diner. Turns out that Cuoco actually gets a literary agent and gets published, striking a bit a jealousy in her writing group. Apparently hijinx ensue and Oz gets rebuffed by Cuoco. This film stars Dennis Farina and he's been dead for a year so who knows how long this one has been on the shelf. I wouldn't bother with it. 
• Bears: Disney brings us a documentary about a year in the life of a family of bears in Alaska. This is probably something that can be watched on the Discovery Channel.

April 25th

• The Other Woman: Cameron Diaz plays a babe who's dating a guy who's married and has another girlfriend in addition to Diaz. Leslie Mann and Kate Upton are the other women involved and Diaz gets together with Mann I believe to exact revenge on the dude. If you think this sounds a bit like John Tucker Must Die for adults, congratulations you guessed right. It also sounds like a Spanish comedy that I thought starred Penelope Cruz but I wasn't able to find through one Google search so I gave up. This looks dumb but it's not aimed at my demographic so it's a win win.
• The Quiet Ones: British scary film set in 1974 about a group of students who obtain some teenage girl with issues and film her. Well, she's a bit screwed up and they decide it would be a good idea ti run some weird experiments on her. Bad idea because weird sh*t starts to happen and leads back to the girl. The trailer looks ok but it's a British creepy kid movie. As with all scary movies, please choose wisely.
• Brick Mansions: Paul Walker's last film has him as an undercover cop (sound familiar?) who infiltrates a gang that has access to a neutron bomb? The villain is RZA and he's holed up in a housing project (hence the title - what is it with April films?). The trailer is basically Walker and Belle "parkouring" their way through the neighborhood. RZA also killed Walker's hero cop father but must have got off on a technicality. I did notice that Walker had a very sweet apartment which would seem to be more than a cop could afford. The screenplay is from Luc Besson so it's probably an almost remake of a prior film of his. 
• Locke: Tom Hardy sheds the Bane mask to play Ivan Locke, guy who spends the enitre film dirving in a straight line while on the phone a lot. That's the plot of the film. He drives a car and talks on the phone and his world seems to unravel. One heckuva commute home huh? I guess there was one phone call that seth forth the chain of events.
• Blue Ruin: Another film where the trailer doesn't reveal much. There's a bearded possible homeless dude living in his car, who's waiting for a dude to be released from prison or something. I guess revenge is in the mix and someone's family is involved as well. There was a scene with a knife and a scene where shots are fired. It's dark and gritty so it could be interesting. Hard to say. 
• The Machine: British eggheads create a not quite female terminator that they want to use for the benefit of humanity but the government has different ideas. Given the AI is in the form of a hot babe to who take really well to military training. I was under the impression that something bad happens. 

2. Sabotage

March 28th in Chicago: Being a child of the 80's, Arnold Schwarzenegger  played a prominent role in my youth. Last year I went to see The Last Stand on opening night and even saw Escape Plan with Sylvester Stallone. Despite the fact that both of those films were terrible, I'm willing to check out a new Ah-Nuld release (usually against my better judgment). I saw this trailer a few weeks ago and I thought pretty highly of it. It's directed by David Ayer who did a nice job with the gritty End of Watch in 2012 so why not take a chance. The trailer was interesting, the plot was a bit old but at least Arnold was playing an everyman type and perhaps he could pull it off.

Arnold is the leader of an elite DEA special ops team that takes down a cartel's safehouse that has a mound of cash hidden inside (nicely and neatly stacked on a pallet of course). Now in the trailer, I got the sense that Arnold and his team go to far with a drug lord and said drug lord tries to get revenge on Arnold by kidnapping his family. Then Arnold in turn seeks vengeance on the drug lord. But not so fast, it turns out that Arnold's family has already been killed (technically that fact is confirmed later in the film but it's unmistakeable that something has happened to his wife) and the team skims $10 million from the palletized drug cash. So in the first 10 minutes, I'm like, "holy sh*t! Arnold is an anti-hero! Nice." When the team returns to the septic drain where the stored the cash, its gone. Then one by one the team members are picked off.

Arnold's character is John "Breacher Wharton. The rest of his team is as follows:

• Sam Worthington as James "Monster" Murray
• Mireille Enos as Lizzy Murray
• Terrence Howard as Julius "Sugar" Edmonds
• Joe Manganiello as Joe "Grinder" Phillips
• Josh Holloway as Eddie "Neck" Jordan
• Max Martini as Tom "Pyro" Roberts

Obviously this crew resembles a biker gang more than DEA agents but, they're a specials ops group so they look a bit unorthodox. When "Pyro" gets killed, his death is investigated by Atlanta Homicide Detective Caroline Brentwood (played well by a nearly unrecognizable Olivia Williams who I used to have a thing for) and she gets a bit more than she bargained for, given. 

The plot was good throughout the film as I was left guessing about what happened to the money as Breacher's team get killed off. However, the scenes got a bit more 80's action filmy and it kind of took away from the plot. Suffice to say I liked how the film started out and where it was going but I wasn't to pleased with the drive or the destination. Waddaya gonna do? The film was not good but it wasn't terrible like his last 2 films. The ending is a bit if a surprise but there's a scene after the climactic and very unrealistic car chase where Ah-Nuld just disappears Batman style. Like a 66 y/o 260 pound mass of muscle is going to stealthily vanish with 30 pounds of gear on him and an assault rifle.

Since the film wasn't good I focused on a few different things like how Brentwood was able to afford such a huge and lovely home on a cop's salary. That home was not inside the perimeter and it was at 2 story multi-room home with an in ground pool in the back and a huge yard. Also, when she and Ah-Nuld go to a former team member's home, it's way out in the sticks (probably near the South Carolina border on I-85, as a former truck driver I recognize the stretch of highway) and after discovering the crime scene, she calls for additional units. What kind of jurisdiction does she have? He radio is able to reach Atlanta some 90 miles away? Ah-Nuld also has the inevitable work out scene while he's being tailed as a result of the missing money. It's Ah-Nuld, I know he's strong.

I guess this film might be the best of what you're going to get out of Ah-Nuld these days. Make no mistake it's not good but it might be worth watching on DVD or HBO when it comes out. Unless you're a huge fan, it's not worth the time & expense. 

1. The Grand Budapest Hotel

March 16th in Chicago: I've written it before, I am a big fan of the films of Wes Anderson. The Grand Budapest Hotel is his latest release with another stellar cast. The film is narrated by Jude Law who plays the "young Author" who repeats the story as told to by the hotel's mysterious owner Zero Moustafa (F. Murray Abraham). Moustafa tells the Author about his first day and his subsequent training under the hotel's concierge, Gustave H (Ralph Fiennes). The Grand Budapest is a luxury alpine hotel that caters to the wealthy of pre-WWII Europe. Gustave is the best at what he does and that includes being a bit of a gigolo to some of hotel's older, wealthy women who frequent the establishment.

Without getting into too much detail of the plot, Gustave and Zero embark on an adventure that turns into a murder mystery. During their adventure Gustave steals a valuable painting from a recently deceased duchess, gets imprisoned, escapes prison, exposes the killers and inherits the Grand Budapest. Zero is along for the ride as Gustave's faithful sidekick who helps Gustave escape prison, fall in love and helps expose the murders. Along the way there are a slew of excellent cameos from Bill Murray, Harvey Keitel, Jeff Goldblum, Edward Norton, Tilda Swinton and Mathieu Almaric. The sinister villains are played by Adrien Brody and Willem DaFoe. DaFoe is Brody's henchmen and doggedly chases after Gustave and Zero.

Anderson does a great job at telling a very intricate story with a lot of characters. Everything meshes together nicely. The color of the sets and costumes are vibrant in a way the kind of gives away the characters personality (Gustave is a bit flamboyant so he wheres a lot of purple and is always impeccably dressed, even in his prison issues). Anderson gives you what you expect from his films without giving you the same film. Very original, very detail orientated and character driven. My favorite Wes Anderson film is The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou and Grand Budapest is not at that level in my opinion but it is a really, really good film. To me, Anderson is a must see director if only for the fact that he is making films that no one else makes. He also gets A list actors (Bill Murray was paid $9,000 for his role in Rushmore) to appear in his films. He doesn't make blockbusters, he makes art.

The New York Knickerbockers...it's too easy

I've been piling on the Knicks lately and quite frankly why not. The Knicks along with the Lakers, are interesting topics in the NBA that doesn't involve tanking (though the Knicks perfrmance last night could be interrepted as tanking but more on that in a bit). Last week the Knicks announced that they had agreed to terms with Phil Jackson (5 years $60 million) to become the team president of basketball operations or something. Jackson has ties to the Knicks team that last won a championship in 1973. Jackson's coaching record puts him as a lock as a coaching legend winning 11 titles (6 with the Bulls and 5 with the Lakers). The thing is, Jackson is not coaching. He's 68 years old and in declining health, he just can deal with the physical grind of an 82 game schedule. The only thing that isn't on his resume is builing a championship caliber team (a la Red Auerbach). Not that that should make a difference to his legacy but he's a smart guy and I can't think of anyone who would turn down that kind of money.

Jackson has a tough road ahead of him. A possible bright spot is that owner James Dolan, who's made some bad basketball decisions, vows to stay out of the way. Like most people, I'll believe when it happens. Jackson was quoted as saying that embattled star Carmelo Anthony "has another level in him." Melo has gone on record that he would like to test free agency (he can opt out of his contract at the end of the season). ESPN's Stephen A. Smith has said that sources have told him that Melo is gone. I won't go into detail about the horrendous conditions the Knicks are in but here's a quick run down:

• No draft pick in this year's allegedly deep draft.
• No cap space for the 2014-15 season (a lot of bad contracts).
• Guard Raymond Felton's status, is he going to jail.
• What will Melo do?
• What to do with the coach.
• The fact that no free agent wants to play in NYC (or with Melo if he stays).

Phil is being hailed as a savior by the Knick faithful. Even if Melo stays, the Knicks will be bad next season. Regardless of the coach. When Phil came back the Knicks were in the midst of an 8 game win streak. To be fair, 7 of the 8 teams are terrible but the Pacer win is a quality win, despite the fact that team's alleged disarray. The thing is, that has been a Knick trend lately. In a home stand from January 24-30 the Knicks won 4 in row. Again, all against terrible non-playoff teams. Starting with a game against the arch rival Miami Heat on February 1st, the Knicks would lose 12 of 14 games through March 3rd. The only victories were agains the Nuggets and lowly Pelicans. The Knicks did show signs of life starting off the month of March but they lost to the hideous Cavaliers on March 23rd (the Cavs overcame a double digit deficit) and then came last night's embarrassment.

The Lakers, essentially the West Coast version of the Knicks, with a worse record than the Knicks, playing without any star players (Nash, Gasol and Kobe were all out) and with Phil Jackson in the building, lay an absolute egg in a 127-96 drubbing. See if you recognize any of the names on the Lakers...

New York Knicks (29-42)
field goalsrebounds
	pos	min	fgm-a	3pm-a	ftm-a	+/-	off	def	tot	ast	pf	st	to	bs	ba	pts
C. Anthony	F	38:15	10-21	1-4	8-8	-16	0	9	9	3	3	1	3	1	0	29
A. Stoudemire	F	27:24	7-14	0-0	2-2	-30	2	0	2	0	2	0	1	1	1	16
T. Chandler	C	28:43	5-7	0-0	2-2	-7	1	4	5	2	2	1	3	1	0	12
J.R. Smith	G	29:01	4-6	1-2	3-4	-13	2	2	4	3	0	0	2	1	0	12
R. Felton	G	20:13	3-7	0-3	0-2	-8	1	3	4	6	2	2	1	0	0	6
I. Shumpert		19:26	0-6	0-2	0-0	-15	1	1	2	0	0	2	1	0	1	0
P. Prigioni		21:30	0-1	0-1	0-0	-16	0	1	1	5	0	1	0	0	0	0
T. Hardaway Jr.		24:04	5-7	2-3	5-7	-16	0	1	1	3	5	1	1	0	0	17
C. Aldrich		10:55	1-2	0-0	0-0	-15	1	1	2	0	1	1	1	0	0	2
J. Tyler		07:19	0-0	0-0	0-2	-5	0	2	2	1	1	0	2	0	0	0
S. Brown		06:53	1-1	0-0	0-0	-7	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	2
T. Murry		06:17	0-2	0-0	0-0	-7	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0	0
Total		240	36-74	4-15	20-27		8	24	32	23	16	9	15	4	2	96
			48.6%	26.7%	74.1%		team rebs: 7			total to: 16

Los Angeles Lakers (24-46)
field goalsrebounds
	pos	min	fgm-a	3pm-a	ftm-a	+/-	off	def	tot	ast	pf	st	to	bs	ba	pts
W. Johnson	F	15:14	1-3	0-0	0-0	+9	0	2	2	0	2	0	0	0	0	2
J. Hill	F	14:02	4-4	0-0	1-1	+7	1	4	5	0	4	0	1	0	0	9
C. Kaman	C	22:40	5-10	0-0	3-3	+7	4	5	9	3	3	0	2	1	1	13
J. Meeks	G	25:04	5-11	4-7	0-0	+15	0	2	2	3	1	4	3	0	1	14
K. Marshall	G	23:24	3-7	1-2	0-0	+14	0	2	2	9	0	0	1	0	1	7
N. Young		18:37	6-10	5-6	3-3	+15	0	4	4	0	3	0	3	0	1	20
K. Bazemore		32:46	7-14	2-4	2-2	+22	0	2	2	5	3	1	2	0	0	18
R. Kelly		33:58	3-6	3-5	0-0	+24	0	4	4	8	3	2	1	0	0	9
X. Henry		23:20	8-11	3-4	3-5	+16	1	2	3	0	1	2	2	1	0	22
R. Sacre		25:20	4-4	0-0	0-0	+24	2	3	5	4	3	0	0	0	0	8
M. Brooks		05:35	2-3	0-0	1-1	+2	0	0	0	0	0	1	1	0	0	5
P. Gasol	NWT - Vertigo.
S. Nash	DND - Nerve root irritation.
Total		240	48-83	18-28	13-15		8	30	38	32	23	10	16	2	4	127
			57.8%	64.3%	86.7%		team rebs: 5			total to: 17

Who the hell are Ken Bazemore, Nick Young and Xavier Henry!? With the exception Chris Kaman, who was an All-Star, the other 10 players who saw action for the Lakers are either role or bench players at best (make no mistake, I am not taking anything away from them talent wise). This no-name Laker group shot 57.8% from the field and put on a 3-point shooting clinic to the tune of 64.3%. Check this out...

	Scoring
	1	2	3	4	T
NYK	22	20	31	23	96
LAL	14	36	51	26	127

The Lakers scored a team record 51 points in the 3rd quarter. Let that sink in for a minute. A franchise that has had the likes of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Jerry West, Elgin Baylor, Magic Johnson and a host of other legends had never scored that many points in a quarter...EVER. The Knicks looked good after the 1st quarter but then just disappeared. Vanished without a trace. Outscored by 37 points in the 3rd & 4th quarters. Something like that had not been seen before. Allegedly Phil Jackson left the Staples Center with 9 minutes to go. Apparently he'd seen enough.

Now I did not watch the game (trivia on Tuesday nights, so I'm occupied) but from what I gather it became a dreadful embarrassment not too long into the 2nd quarter. To say the Knicks didn't play a lot of defense would be the underest understatement of the season. These no-name Lakers were running fast break drills, draining 3s and just making the Knicks look like they didn't belong on the court. Mike Francesa of WFAN really laid into the Knicks pretty heavily. The Sixers are being accused of tanking, last night the Knicks just plain quit. This is a team that doesn't care. None of them do. Good luck Phil, you're going to need it.