DJ B-Clear's Winter Movie Preview - January

Typically, January is the month where studios "dump" titles that they may not have a lot of confidence in with hopes that they will get lucky. They studios would prefer that people see the films that have been nominated for awards since January is when these films get a wide release. So let's see what we've got...

January 4th

• Texas Chainsaw 3D: Suffice to say this will be the 7th installment of The Texas Chainsaw franchise. For the record, there have been 3 sequels to Tobe Hooper's 1974 original (one even had Matthew McConaughey & Renee Zellweger), 1 film that gave a backstory and this will be the 2nd remake of the original (the 1st remake came out in 2003 and starred the likes of Jessica Biel and R. Lee Emery). Now someone decided to add 3D into the mix. I've seen this trailer trailer a few times and all I can is "why?" Is it necessary for another remake of a film that really didn't need to be remade in the first place (on account it was so awesome)? No we don't is my answer. Look for a lot of gore and splatter here to take advantage of the 3D. Fans of gore and splatter might want to check this out but I will pass.

• A Dark Truth: Andy Garcia plays the title role of an ex-CIA agent turned journalist who is enlisted to help uncover facts about a South American massacre and subsequent cover-up. The trailer looks interesting, but in as much as I like Andy Garcia's work, it's tough picturing him as a Jack Ryan type after his turn as hefty casino magnate Terry Benedict. The film also stars the usually brilliant Forrest Whitaker in this political thriller. This film is also available to view on iTunes.

January 11th

• Gangster Squad: Based on true events that took place in LA after WWII, it boasts an all-star cast and a decent director (Ruben Fleischer) but it was originally scheduled for a September 2012 release but was pushed back due to the tragic shootings in Aurora, CO over the summer. Another issue is that it hasn't been reviewed yet and that's usually a sign that a film may not be that good. I will most likely see this film based on the cast (Emma Stone, Sean Penn, Josh Brolin & Ryan Gosling) and the fact that I kind of dig LA Noire films, though I DO NOT anticipate this film being as great as L.A. Confidential. Penn plays legendary LA gangster Mickey Cohen and Brolin is the cop charged with putting him away. Brolin enlists the likes of Gosling and the team goes "rogue" by more or less murdering underworld types. I wouldn't be surprised if the film plays fast & loose with the facts (from trailers I've scene, Penn appears to play Cohen like Big Boy Caprice). One of the cops Brolin recruits is African-American and from what I know about post war LA (mostly from reading James Ellroy novels) is that the predominately Caucasian police force didn't think too highly of non-Caucasians in general in that era. Could be hit or miss.

• A Haunted House: Standard parody of Paranormal Activity type films that have spread out across the celluloid landscape like a rash. I am not into spoofs anymore so I will pass on this one. It's got a lot of regulars from the spoof genre and there maybe e few funny scenes but it's not for me. Don't confuse this film for Scary Movie 5 which opens in April.

• The Baytown Outlaws: Eva Longoria hires a trio of redneck psychopaths to kidnap her godson from the clutches of her ex-hubby Billy Bob Thornton. Thornton on turn hires a group of 5 female assassins to bring the child back to him. There's also another group of thugs that enter into the fray but it's difficult to figure out who they're working for from the trailer. The boy in question is got a debilitating disease like MS or something and is confined to a wheelchair. The kicker is he's got a trust the kicks in when he turns 18 so there's a bit of money at stake. To be honest I haven't seen a group of ridiculous assassins since Smokin' Aces. Tough call on this one.

• Officer Down: According to the IMDB, Stephen Dorff is a cop investigating a series of events that led to murder (I think). The RT synopsis has Dorff as a crooked cop who gets saved by a stranger after being gunned down and the stranger comes back to ask Dorff to help him take revenge. The trailer is even more vague as its only 60 seconds long but I am sure that Dorff is a cop and he's on some sort of quest for retribution.

• Struck by Lightning: Chris Colfer plays a high school overachiever trying desperately to get into Northwestern so he can pursue his dream of becoming a columnist for The New Yorker. The idea of starting a literary magazine at the school is floated to him and he runs with it. The only problem is that no one at the school really likes him so he resorts to blackmail to get contributing writers necessary (a goth chick, a jock and popular pretty girl). This film probably isn't meant for my demographic.

• The Helpers: The tagline at the end of the trailer says, "we're the helpers. We help put people out of their misery." Usually in a gruesome manner. Don't you love it when the writers cleverly put the film title into the dialogue? It's the age old premise of a group of good looking 20-somethings (usually an odd number as there's always the one social misfit who's girlfriend, that no one's met, lives in the Niagra Falls area) get sidetracked from their journey and get picked off one by one only to find out that they've been set-up all along and that their fate was sealed long ago. The trip is to Vegas and the villains use the old road block theory to get the victims off the path (according to Google Maps the best way to get from Sacramento to Vegas is to take CA99 south into Barstow, CA then pick up I-15 and head straight into Vegas. The fact that the victims took a back road route leads me to believe that they deserve their fate. Good god! Nothing good ever happens taking the backroads! That's another genre of slasher films for crying out loud!), find a way to disable the vehicle and make it so the vehicle can't be repaired so they victims have to stay the night. In this case a tire is blown on the SUV and naturally the size tires that the SUV takes won't be in until the next morning. The plot has been done before to say the least but I suspect the death scenes will take it up a notch. The difference here may line in the fact that one of the victims (most likely the dude without the girlfriend) is filming the trip so we got the "found footage" theory.

January 18th

• Mama: The usually red headed Jessica Chastain (sigh) goes for a Joan Jett/Siouxsie Sioux look in this film about 2 feral girls who are adopted by their uncle and brought to live him him and his wife (Chastain). Eventually the girls get really creepy and weird things start to happen. Directed by Andres Muschietti, it appears to be a feature length film loosely based on Muschietti's 2008 short film, Mamá. I've said it before, these films flood the market and it's difficult to tell one from the other sometimes. Buyer beware.

• The Last Stand: The latest film from Arnold Schwarzenegger where he's a small town border town sheriff who's the only law left to stop a Mexican drug kingpin from escaping back to Mexico. The fact that it stars Johnny Knoxville is enough for me to stay away. The trailer looks silly and it would bet dollars to donuts that the trailer contains the best parts of the film.

• Broken City: Directed by Allen Hughes (1/2 of the Hughes Brothers), this NYC cop drama stars Mark Wahlberg as a decorated NYPD detective who is tasked to spy on the Russell Crowe's (the Mayor of NYC) cheating wife (Catherine Zeta-Jones) but Wahlberg gets a little more than he bargained for. Crowe is a bit of a conniving, sleazy corrupt dude who looks as if he will frame Wahlberg for murder if he doesn't do his bidding. Wahlberg has to maneuver his way around the web of lies and deceit in order to turn the tables on Crowe. With a good director and a solid cast this is worth a look though it will be the 12th time Wahlberg has played a NYC cop.

• LUV: Stars Common as a father to young boy growing up in Baltimore. Common, who appears to be a mid-level gangster from the trailer, takes the young lad out with him and an incident occurs where an attempt is made on Common's life in front of the lad. It's got an all-star cast that includes Danny Glover, Charles Dutton and Dennis Haysbert.

January 25th

• Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters: The kids who outsmarted the witch in the gingerbread house have grown up and gone into business as 18th century para-normal investigators and eliminators but there's no storage facility so it ends badly for their prey. Jeremy Renner & Gemma Atherton play the  mature Hansel & Gretel who look to kick ass on the evil that lurks about. Similar to The Brothers Grimm, the previews are pretty cool and the cast is solid. The film looks like it could be a lot of fun.

• Movie 43: There are more than 10 directors that include the Farrelly brothers. From what I can see from the trailer, it's kind of a modern day Kentucky Fried Movie. It's got an ensemble cast and there are a lot of inappropriate scenes that make light of race, sex and everything else. Nothing is sacred or free from being mocked. I can't remember the last time a film like this has been done so it may be worth a look.

• Parker: Taylor Hackford directs (only his 4th film since Proof of Life in 2000) Jason Statham and Jennifer Lopez in this "heist gone bad" film. Statham leads a team of bandits who decide to turn to new leadership (in the form of Michael Chiklis) after a heist. The coup goes a bit awry but eventually Statham is killed...or is he? Statham comes back looking for his old gang to settle the score but on his way he enlists the aid of Lopez (there is a scene where he asks her to strip to see if she's wearing a wire, that might be worth the price of admission eventhough she's wearing her undergarments) to help get even with his old gang and steal the score from their next big heist. I'm a bit iffy on this one. Hackford is an excellent director but his best work is behind him. Lopez is breaking from her run of rom-com characters which I applaud but it's still not Karen Sisco. Statham plays this type of character so often its redundant. There's also the fact that this plot is old and seems a lot like Payback. As of now I am undecided on this so I will wait to see what the buzz is.

• John Dies at the End: This film has elements of Naked Lunch in it. A bit of a trippy film where the heroes consume "soy sauce" and get hallucinations and are taken to different realms. I really don't know how to explain it. There's a lot of weird shi*t that takes place over time and different dimensions. It's an indie film so it might be worth a look if you can find it. Be advised...it's currently available to view on iTunes.