20 March, 2014

This Day in History

In 235, Maximinus Thrax is proclaimed Emperor of Rome. He has the distinction of having never actually set foot within the city limits. I saw this and the very name of the dude blew me away! That's a better name than most of the Bond Villians. His name alone struck fear into the hearts of his detractors. Allegedly. The fact that he didn't spend a lot of time in Rome may be a reason why he's not up there with Marcus Aurelias or even a short timer like Caligula.

Apparently Maximus was born in an area of Iran to a less than somewhat lower-middle class family. He joned the army and moved up the ranks. Maximus was in command of Legio IV Italica serving in the Upper Rhine region. His troops were none too thrilled with the facto that Maximus' boss,   Alexander Severus, was paying tribute to Alemanni to avoid war. His troops killed Alexander and his mom (vicious mothers aren't they?) and the Praetorian Guard declared him Emperor. Since the Roman Senate was a bunch of sissy rich guys they didn't want to go against what was essentially the Mossad and Special Forces of the day (Bad. Ass. Mo-Fos).


Since the Senate didn't particularly take kindly to non-Roman rulers the conspired with a few people to try and oust Mr. Thrax. Those plans more or less tanked and they decided to "elect" a pair of co-emperors to try and stand up to Mr. Thrax (from whom they expected little mercy). With his hand forced, Maximus marched on Rome but the gates were closed (it would seem he felt that his presence would be welcomed with open arms). Since his army was not ready for a protracted seige, disease and famine set in. In May of 238, pro-Roman forces killed him, his family (people were thorough in those days) and placed their heads on pikes.




Though he's not in the same class as an Octavian or Julius Caesar but apparently Mr. Thrax was an extremely large gentleman of 8 feet tall, according to the less than reputable Historia Augusta. He allegedly possessed superhuman strength and suffered from excessive sweating. Nice.


Not exactly the prettiest fellow but with a baddass name like Maximus Thrace, who needs looks. He scared the ladies into liking him.

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